Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
