Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
