:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
