I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
