I want to have your abortion
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
That was before I lit my hair on fire
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
