youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
