I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
