I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
