I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
