Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
