Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
