Are we in a gay sports bar?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
