Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
