i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
