This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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