When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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