Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
