We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
