Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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