well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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