I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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