ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
