I haven't been this sober since birth.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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