My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
