I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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