either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
