Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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