Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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