Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize