Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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