I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Dear god my vagina.
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