Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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