it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The power of my boobs compel you
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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