shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
