I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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