I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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