did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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