I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We are all done wearing pants today
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
