We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
