Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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