It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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