You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
