I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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