i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
