You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
