Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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