I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
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How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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