Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
