you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize