You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
