sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
