U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
What drink are we having for lunch?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
