dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
