dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
