she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
