atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
