apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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