my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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