he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
