Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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