His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
