Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
