My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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