I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
