Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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