matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
