some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
