I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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