Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
