**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
