I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
