is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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